Beyond the Binary

We live in a world where the dominant narrative is binary. You are either male or female (despite evidence), there are two major political sides to choose, there is good and evil, victims and villains, abled and disabled, with and without.

We are encouraged to choose a side (or in the case of gender, to accept the one you’re given), to strongly identify with it, to distinguish ourselves as separate from the opposing side, to amp up the differences.

One problem with this is that it devalues and overrides what it is to feel that there is more than just two possibilities. Anything outside of the two is misunderstood as a weakened or watered down one of the two, or a confused one of the two, or a failing or falling short of one of the two.

This is despite the fact that strongly identifying with any one side, whether it be in terms of gender, politics, morals, or any kind of identity creates a gap in understanding of the other. These gaps in communication and understanding are the very roots of violence and war.

As long as there are two, the scales of power will always be tipping one side higher than the other, there will always be a have and a have not. We can see this in action when we look at any grouping split by a binary; there is always tension and conflict, and those who identify with the side with more power and those who identify with the pain of being victimised.

This is not to dismiss the struggle of being in these dynamics but to acknowledge it, and it is not to deny there’s huge value in difference and feeling strong resonance with different ideas and identities. It’s important that there are those that stand for the underdog, and important there are those that stand for freedom of growth. It’s important to have the yin and important to have the yang.

However, it’s also important to have the movement in-between. There’s a reason there isn’t a simple straight line down the middle of the yin/yang symol. Binaried thinking overrides a human world that is made up of nuance and complexity in the search for a simplified black and white, right and wrong.

Recognising and listening to and understanding the experiences of people whose gender doesn’t fit the binary isn’t just important because people should be believed when they tell others who they are. It’s important because it’s part of a collective deconstruction of the binary perspective, which misses so much insight, wisdom and potential for peace and development.

Understanding there is more than two possibilities opens up the Middle Way, the central channel, the possibility for balance and deeper communication. It creates the potential for more harmony between those who do resonate more with one polarity than another.

When we consume a lot of media that encourages extreme reactions, the middle can be dismissed as a kind of weakness, as being on the fence or in a grey area. It’s associated with a passivity and lack of vibrancy or commitment. On the other hand, when people are more ‘out there’ with perspectives that don’t fit the dominant narrative, they run the risk of being mocked, vilified and often entirely misrepresented.

This is why it’s so important that queer voices – voices that resonate with a truth that goes beyond the binary – are supported to connect with their truth, and encouraged to express it.

The area between binaries is not grey or undecided, it is nuanced and colourful and valid. It is, however, sometimes fogged over by collective trauma and a forgetting that it’s there.

What it brings is the ability to understand, feel and be multiple truths at once. When this is oppressed, it can lead to inner conflict or passivity or social rejection, but when it’s empowered this can be the very force to bring peace and understanding to the world, to bring nuance and depth to the black and white, to be both the movement and stillness we so deeply need.